I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
