just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
