I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
