dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
