Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
