I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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