I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
