Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize