i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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