My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
