If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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