I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
