I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
