I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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