I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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