i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
