i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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