just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize