Do you still have your period?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
