i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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