Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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