Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
