I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
