I cut my penus on the lid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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