we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
