She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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