I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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