Buhtt sex?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh god it's open bar.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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