Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
