tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
