i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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