just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
do herpes really smell.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize