i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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