i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
