Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
