i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
