My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
