Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
