i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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