I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
