sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
