moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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