if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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