We won't sleep together?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
