So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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