I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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