**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
