Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
