We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
