Small penises have feelings too.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
