The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
