I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
