Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i think im in europe. pls send help
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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