Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
