I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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