she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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