I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
