why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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