were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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