at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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