Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You have to summon your inner elephant
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
