I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
