Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
