Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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