she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
