do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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