Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
