she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
