what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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