the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
These tits shall not be calmed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
