While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
