TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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