my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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