My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
