Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize