Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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