Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
