i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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