Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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