He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
