you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
