guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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