I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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