He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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