Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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