she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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