Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
