I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
