Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
