Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
