How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
