Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
