you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
