I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
