Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
