What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
