I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize