i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
