Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
