I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize