We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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