am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
