So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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