somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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