So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
