she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
