it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
