So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
