Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
