saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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